i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
