why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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