I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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