I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are