Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
