Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.