I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
