you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i dont even know how to be here
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.