tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.