she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...