No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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