i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
