I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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