The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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