Are we in a gay sports bar?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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