I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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