yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
