I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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