Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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