shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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