This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
