for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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