is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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