You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
