so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
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The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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