god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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