I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
