Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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