May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
