i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
