My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
