my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize