New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
