Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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