I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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