i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
