Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
