Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
