Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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