he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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