all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
