i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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