she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
