Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't deserve a penis
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
