Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize