I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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