if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
