It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
