u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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