brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
