i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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