i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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