I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do vagina's smell?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
