yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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