Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
