She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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