Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
