There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
