ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
