And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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