i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
