thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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