I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
