Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
